Wednesday, May 31, 2006

How to not get a job

I've been collecting resumes for a position on my team at Innovectra. So far, it's been an educational experience. By far, the thing I have learned most about is how to avoid getting a job. Here are some top tips I've learned:

- Don't provide a cover letter. Just send a message with resume.doc attached. Really, think about it, resume.doc does say it all. Why go overboard with words?

- Write a cover letter that has errors in it, or just reads terribly. OK, you have a Ph.D. in computer science - but should you really be expected to write in full sentences? And besides, getting help from a native English speaker, or just paying someone to help you craft your message is way below you.

- Write a cover letter which is generic and simply consists of every acronym you've ever heard of. That way, you won't stand out at all, and can be just one of the crowd.

- Describe yourself as a "PMS Installer" in your subject line when applying for a Java position. Who wouldn't want a bit of PMS installed now and then? Besides, if the acronym is meaningful for you, then it must be meaningful to the whole world.

- Whatever you do, don't read and follow the instructions in the want ad. If the ad says: "please send a sample of your work" then the smartest thing you can do is to ignore the request. You know it's a trap, one of those cheap tricks to catch people who are detail oriented and follow instructions. Why would you ever want associate yourself with this crowd?

Who knew there were so many ways to avoid landing an interview/job?


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