Wednesday, November 13, 2013

My Most Significant Accomplishment Of The Week

Five days ago I picked up this innocuous looking package of sunflower seeds. At 59 cents, they seemed like a reasonable impulse buy. And besides, I like trying new things.

And so began my 4 day (I started noshing the next day) journey in consuming 8 frustrating ounces of sunflower seeds.

I opened the package and popped a seed in my mouth. Mmmm....salty... But now what? I managed to crack open the shell only to detect the tiniest sliver of edible material. Now I had the tricky business of discarding the chaff and keeping my newly found bit of yum. This turned out to be tricky business indeed. I popped a few more seeds. Surely I was missing something obvious. Nobody goes through this much trouble to each such a tiny quantity of food.

I actually searched the package for more information. Maybe I was doing this all wrong. The good folks at FritoLay were kind enough to include instructions:


Unfortunately, I tore the package when opening it and lost the remainder of the above text. I was at least encouraged that I was indeed supposed to crack open the shells and discard 98% of the sunflower seed.

Any sane individual would have simply discarded the nearly full package of sunflower seeds and moved on with his life. But not me. I wanted to see this through. I wanted to attempt to master this new skill that was going require intense oral dexterity. I wasn't going to back down from this fight.

So for the last few days I've been hard at work, slowly making my way through this package. At least I won't be lacking for salt intake, thanks to this one package, I've got 82% of my daily sodium covered. Whoooo!

I wasn't content to simply muddle my way through this package of sunflower seeds. No, I decided I better seek out an expert. Luckily, the web had the answer. I give you the 16 step (I kid you not) WikiHow: How to Eat Sunflower Seeds.

The diagrams and text are actually quite informative.

And this evening I finally did it. I finally crunched the last seed in the pack. I'm not sure if I'm hooked and will be desperately seeking a fresh package of seeds tomorrow, or if I never want to see a sunflower (let alone a seed) again in my life.

I just know that it's Wednesday, and I've already had my greatest accomplishment of the week. That's saying something.

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